Insomnia

Some nights insomnia can be a real pain in the ass... Not getting enough sleep before a big day for example. Or falling asleep in the middle of the day to make up for lost sleep. Other times I find it so calming. Everything around is quiet and thoughts come clearly and easily. The distractions of life and everything else dissipate into sleep while I lay awake thinking. So I lie awake tonight under a beautiful sky filled with twinkling majesty. Breathing slows and my mind focuses. I begin to appreciate everything around me... Tonight I am inspired by sleeplessness

Late in the Day

Late in the day when shadows start to play

On my backdoor and up and down this alleyway
I think back on the times with your hand in mine
We sat talking low...late in the day
It seems you never know a good thing till it goes
Slippin' through your fingers...that's just the price I pay
For being on my own and doin' the best I can
Now I'm alone without a plan...late in the day

Now I pour whiskey, break the ice
Put my feet up and close my eyes
I try hard to listen to what my heart might say
Try to find the rhyme to take me back in time
And be with you here...late in the day

I look out over tops of houses and the shops
As the sun sets, another day does wind down
And my life is still the same, my lips still call your name
And my heart can't hide the pain...late in the day

Now I pour whiskey, break the ice
Put my feet up and close my eyes
I try hard to listen to what my heart might say
Try to find the rhyme to take me back in time
And be with you here...late in the day

My life is still the same
My lips still call your name
And my heart can't hide the pain
Late in the day

A friend of mine requested for me to post these recordings. I was happy to oblige! Im sort of a perfectionist when it comes to music... so these are not up to my standards but I hope you still enjoy!

I've been learning about a song every three days lately and it feels great. Really expanding my repertoire and nothing frees my soul quite like putting my own interpretation on a song.

I am fighting my addictive personality... Is it wrong to want to change part of my personality? But seriously I am tired of being addicted to drugs, to people even to television shows. Why can't I control my urges?

Past Dwelling

Much of my life has been spent wanting or pretending to be someone else. Whether it was at the age of 5 posing as a professional soccer player or playing some character in high school, even college. My degree is partially based on pretending to be someone else. I think I pretend so much because I am not happy with who I actually am. I can't say that I am proud of who I am right now. Lazy, prone to making mistakes, forgetting important deadlines, dwelling on the negative, jealousy, constantly taking the backseat. The list goes on... My guess is that I partially feel this way because this is how people treat me, but like a catch 22 I wouldn't make people treat me this way without acting and treating myself this way.

Today I am unintentionally dwelling on past mistakes, past loves and just my past in general. Today wil become the past and I hope when I look back from here on out I can be proud of the things I've done and how I have changed.

The air you breathe is toxic

But I still want to breathe the same air

There is something wrong with me.

I've Been Wandering

My pathway leads into the west
They say it never really ends
These legs of mine weren't made to rest
I let them take me where they send me wandering

As long as I remember I've been wandering
January to December I go wandering

No one asks the wind to blow
No one tells a bird to fly
No one tells me when to go
I don't need a reason why, I'm just wandering

As long as I remember I've been wandering
January to December I go wandering

A hundred fifty years ago
The famine pushed us off the land
Now we live beside the road
You'll see us in our caravans

As long as I remember I've been wandering
January to December I go wandering

This life I lead is in my blood
It's not for me to understand
There isn't much I want to own
Take what I will and where I can, I'm wandering

As long as I remember I've been wandering
January to December just wandering
I don't care where I go, just wandering
You want to know where I've been
I've been wandering

Lonely Epidemic

My closest friends are quite a fun and rowdy bunch. Always first to the witty joke and snide remark, never afraid to say what is on their mind in that regard. Although these are extroverted qualities I have discovered that most of my best friends are introverted... that is they keep their deepest emotions and desires hidden and beneath the surface. Lately I have been trying to break that shell partly for selfish reasons because I need someone to open up to... but also because I feel that it helps me know them better and I feel that I can give good advice.

Over the past few weeks I have uncovered that many of my friends are as lonely or more so than I am. It seems crazy that a group of buds as close as we are wouldn't know that about each other. So why is it that all of us are lonely? Does our closeness scare people away? I could see how it would be threatening... but then again my friends are very open to new people and are always accepting.

I will always wish these people the happiest of times even if they are sometimes lonesome. I and hope that I can be there when they don't have anyone else... And I hope they will do the same for me in return.

It has been way too long since I posted here. I have been so busy with amazing bluegrass and then moving that blogging had to take the back seat. Over the next few days I promise myself to have entertaining posts for all to read.