Past Dwelling

Much of my life has been spent wanting or pretending to be someone else. Whether it was at the age of 5 posing as a professional soccer player or playing some character in high school, even college. My degree is partially based on pretending to be someone else. I think I pretend so much because I am not happy with who I actually am. I can't say that I am proud of who I am right now. Lazy, prone to making mistakes, forgetting important deadlines, dwelling on the negative, jealousy, constantly taking the backseat. The list goes on... My guess is that I partially feel this way because this is how people treat me, but like a catch 22 I wouldn't make people treat me this way without acting and treating myself this way.

Today I am unintentionally dwelling on past mistakes, past loves and just my past in general. Today wil become the past and I hope when I look back from here on out I can be proud of the things I've done and how I have changed.