Wonders of a Mind

I am in constant question of myself. Wondering so many things that no one has the answer to. I have always been a person to live in the moment, not planning ahead. It seems now I look forward but not with excitement or with plans, but with hesitation and questioning. I know who I want to be as a person. Caring, loving, forgiving, understanding, helpful, hopeful and happy. But I am wondering if that is who I really am or if that is how other people perceive me. Always wondering why what happened, happened and what happens next.

I wonder who will be in my life for years to come, who wants to and who has no choice.

I wonder why love is not strong enough to keep people together especially when we are taught by movies and believers that love is the strongest force in the world.

I wonder if my life is more meaningful when i care for myself or care for others instead.

I wonder if other people are better than me, and why they would be better.

I wonder why I live the way i do and if it is the best possible way to live.

I wonder if actually have ever loved or been loved in return. Or what exactly love is... If I love her will she love me in return?

I honestly wonder why I wonder...

Somethings I know the answers to. Others no one will ever know the answer.

This is far from the end of the list, and the list will grow and shrink as time passes...

I wish I could share these thoughts with someone who would be there when it counted. Someone who was willing to forgive... Someone who loves me for my mistakes, my faults, annoying nature and craziness. I thought I had someone who could become that person and wanted to be that person. The moment, that hope and comfort was so fleeting and now I crave it like an addictive drug. But that is a different post for a different time... maybe tomorrow