No choice in the matter...s

One great thing about being a human is the ability of free will. The freedom to make choices and decisions for oneself.... whether they are good or bad, intelligent or ignorant. This defining characteristic that separates humans from other species seems to be slowly waning from my life. Most people have a chance, or at least a slight choice in the jobs they do for a living. No such luck for me... I have been slaving over finding any sort of job... this is understandable because of the condition of the economy and the dwindling job market. But this feeling... the unenjoyable pull from fate is really draining my will to be positive.

Lately I have also been struggling with money. This is the life of a college student, but now more than other times. Due to being sick last semester I had to drop out of classes. By doing this I put myself in a huge hole of debt, owing the school money. Monday is the last day to pay this off before I have an outstanding balance and am removed from being able to register for classes. My choice to go to school last semester was thwarted by sickness and because of that my want to attend classes this coming semester is also being tested. I just want to be done with school so I can move on and try to pursue my dreams.

Finally there is someone I want to be apart of everyday of my life. I know its selfish and unrealistic. But if I could choose... that would be it. Alas it is not my choice and it is just another thing in my life that is utterly frustrating. I will admit that in all these instances I have made poor decisions and still do sometimes and probably will make bad decisions again. Maybe this is the way life is telling me to live... cause its better for me... I sure would enjoy some free will and possibly some positive things to happen... but that would just be selfish.